Every movie got my 10 DUM DUMs—fantastic glowing Dodo-rated movie reviews. Boy, was I flooded with all kinds of expensive gifts. Stuff came in from all over the country: clothes, cars, TVs, DVDs, sofas, and even gold-plated birdcages. You name it and I got it. Why I received so many things just by going to the movies that, after a while, I never even had to see a single one cuz my reviews were always the same.

Ten DUM DUMs, artsy-fartsy, dodoliciously funny , bannanarama of a dodofest was my favorite movie reviews. I became the hit of the movie industry. Since I was the only respected critic in town, the studios showed their movies only to me. The other reviewers lost their jobs and threatened to roast me for Thanksgiving dinner. Wow-wee, were they ever jealous or what! The more I loved the movie, the more stuff they gave me which, naturally, I gave to the poorest of the poor. That was my mission— to help people by saving them from themselves—and that's all I was doing.

So I couldn't believe when the movie studios fired me. After all, I was just following the age-old Hollywood tradition doing what all the other critics did. They said that my 10 Dum Dums for each and every movie was not believable. One of their unreasonable questions was, “How could you possibly give each movie the same review, if you hadn't even seen it.”

It's against the Dodo Creed to lie so I told them the truth. “It's because of all the stuff that I was getting for free.” But I don't think that any of the studio executives understood that. The poor needed even more stuff so I was thinking of giving each movie a 100 Dum Dums instead of 10. This way I would get a thousand times more things, but that's only gonna happen when Hollywood gets Dodoized instead of Idolized. Well, that was the end of my movie critic career.