Waddling along, I saw a man standing on a ledge of a tall bridge getting ready to jump into the ocean. Naturally, I went over to birdbrain rescue him. That's what Superheroes do. I told him that his life was precious and how much his family and friends would miss him. Also, it was against the Dodo Creed's law to take one's own life. I gave him plenty of reasons why not to jump.

He tearfully replied, “I have no family or friends, no job or money, and I'm a cripple. The doctors also found a brain tumor which gives me only seven months to live. I haven't eaten in three days so I'm probably not thinking clearly. Please talk me out of it, if you can, because I just can't seem to stop myself.”

What was I to do? But then I remembered the last thing he said was that he hadn't eaten in three days and probably wasn't thinking too clearly.

Boy, was this his lucky day or not! I just happened to have a yummy 25-pound watermelon with me for emergencies. My quick puddley-wink mind went into its life-saving mode as usual.

I said, “Don't jump. Please don't jump. I'm Dum Dum Dodo, the Birdbrain Superhero, here to save you.”

I threw the watermelon at him as fast and as hard as I could. His weak feeble arms reached for it. But the 25-pound watermelon was way too heavy and knocked him off the bridge and into the cold Pacific Ocean below. On the way down he cried out, “Thank you Dum Dum. Thank you for saving my life. I … was ... really … really … hung…rrrry.” SPLASH!

And that's the last I saw or heard of him until the Coast Guard fished him out of the ocean an hour later. They found him holding onto that watermelon for dear life. He never did take a bite. Can you believe that? Maybe he lost his appetite. Maybe the watermelon wasn't seedless or ripe enough. Maybe he hated fruit or thought he was going to die. Or maybe humans are just not smart enough to think like a Dodo yet? That's it, there are no two maybes about it. What else can it be?