Starving Svetlana was always hungry. Non-stop eating was what she did best. She'd run into a restaurant and lick the food off the plates before the tables were cleared. You could also find her begging for food and holding up a sign in front of dining establishments, “STARVING FAT GLUTTON IN NEED OF NOURISHMENT.”
The doctors told her that she was jeopardizing her health, but she kept right on gorging herself anyway. The restaurants after a while caught on to her routine and hired her to clean off the tables. Since most people never finish all their food, she was their dream come true. The owners loved her cuz she was a “one-woman lick-the-plate cleaning machine.” No food ever went to waste with her around.
While eating at the Fuzzy Peach Diner, Svetlana came up to me and asked, “Can I lick your plate clean even before you finish?”
“Please do,” I said. “Lick it lickety clean if you're that hungry.” And that's exactly what she did. Then I ordered more food.
Again she asked, “Can I lick it even more lickety clean before you take your first bite?”
“If you're that starved, of course you can,” I gladly obliged. Who was I to deny food to a 5 foot 2 inch, 320 pound starving woman? After she polished off all my food, dessert, and drinks, now I was starving so I ordered a 7-course meal.
Again Svetlana asked me politely, “I beg you, can I eat your entire 7-course meal cuz I haven't eaten in 12 minutes. Please, please can I, can I?” she begged me on fat bended knees. How could anybody say no to a fat glutton of a woman who hadn't eaten in 12 long minutes?
“You sure can my dear. Eat to your heart's delight.” But while she was eating I could see her slowly balloon up to the size of a blimp. Next, she turned yellow green and started barfing all over herself and me. Yuck, what a mess! She kept right on upchucking until the entire restaurant was filled with her puke. After she finished, as if by magic, there stood before me a 5 foot 2 inch, 100-pound extremely trim-looking woman.
I waddled into the bathroom, pulled a full-length mirror off the wall, and placed it in front of her.
“Look at yourself Svetlana. Don't you look beautiful, healthy, and slender,” I beamed at her.
“Oh yes, I'm beautiful again. Now I love myself like never before. This must be some kind of a miracle of sorts. Never again am I going to overeat and stuff my face, I promise. Dum Dum, from this day on my motto is going to be A Mouthful of Moderation Svetlana Finds Heavenly Nirvana .”
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