Dear Dr. Dum Dum:
- My husband doesn’t believe in oral sex. I eat him all the time. But, how can I get him to eat me?
Signed – He’s Mistreatin’ by not Eatin’
Dear He’s Mistreatin’ by not Eatin’:
- Stop eating him immediately or there’ll be nothing left for you to love, you cannibal you. Eating is mistreating!

Dear Dr. Dum Dum:
- How can I make mine harder than it already is?
Signed – It’s Such a Bother Not Being Harder
Dear It’s Such a Bother Not Being Harder:
- Isn’t life hard enough without you wanting it to be even harder?
I would suggest you spend some time in prison, a hospital for the insane, or shoveling cow manure at your local dairy. Now that’s what I call hard!

Dear Dr. Dum Dum:
- How can I get my lover in a sexier goody-goody mood and more often?
Signed – Goody-Goody for More Sex Moody
Dear Goody-Goody for More Sex Moody:
- Buy her a moody-moody ring. Tickle her goody-goody funny bone. If that doesn’t work, then my goody-goody, moody-moody advice is just no goody-goody.

Wow-wee! That sure was a blasty blast.

I hope I didn’t confuse you with my know-nothing sex advice. Remember that it’s free, and you can use it or refuse it. It’s your body so don’t abuse it.