Little Johnny John was a nutrition and food expert who was always sitting on the toilet, or john, as humans call it. All his food was brought to him on a large fancy kidney shaped tray. He was writing a book on the poopiest foods to poop out while sitting on the john. It was titled The Poopiest Foods to Poop Out While Sitting on the John.

Johnny John was very scientific about it. He would eat one food type, like an apple, or a muffin, then notate the time that it took for him to poop it out. For every fruit, nut, meat, grain, and vegetable, he followed the same procedure. He was a poopaholic perfectionist.