Grow your own food and become a Natural Farmer. But where do you grow it if you don't have any land? Here's the best part: Y ou grow it right in your stomach . I call it the “Dum Dum Tum Tum Farming Method.” Grow it, digest it, and you're hunger free. Follow these six easy steps:

1) Swallow a pound of dirt with a beverage of your choice (except alcohol, cuz it gets the seeds drunk).

2) Wait ten minutes then swallow your chosen food seed group, or mix ‘em and match ‘em.

3) Go outside, open your mouth facing the sun, and keep it opened for at least eight hours a day for two months. Remember all food-producing plants need plenty of sunshine.

4) Soon you'll feel the seeds deliciously growing right there in your tummy.

5) And in just a few months, your crop will be ready to be digested for your enjoyment and nourishment.

6) Grow corn, tomatoes, watermelons, or even miniature fruit trees—anything you want. Nothing is impossible, right?

Strange as it may seem, but after speaking before a Worldwide Hunger Symposium, they decided to ban my “Dum Dum Tum Tum Farming Method.” They even renamed it as the “Ho-Hum Absolutely Dumb Dumb Stomach Harming Alarming Method.”

Most people are just too lazy to grow their own food, that's what I think. They'd rather just buy it neatly packaged in stores and leave all the hard work to the farmers. What else can it be? That's the only explanation I can think of.